**Part 1 of the same letter***
I agree that Christmas has become too commercialized. Although I don't fear Santa Claus or any other fat bearded jolly old man. I think Santa is an attempt at filling the void in the hearts of children when God alone can do so. Many children see the similarities between Santa and God. When they discover that Santa isn't real and that their parents had lied to them, then they don't know who to trust and believe that God is a fairytale too. I have heard it before when kids and teens say that "God is like Santa Claus, He doesn't exist." I am personally having a problem with the entire idea of Christmas itself. Do we really need Christmas Machoo?
-Deeply Concerned
Dear Concerned,
I Personally fear the fat bearded jolly man as he appears today. He looks like Karl Marx suited in red, making statements that you are being watched at all times to decide whether you make his good list. Plus, you must have a food offering present when he enters your home unannounced. Creepy!
To be honest, 'Santa' really did exist. Though his name was St. Nicolas, and he lived around 3o0 AD in Greece. He probably didn't look like Jerry Garcia not on drugs. Though he did give gifts in the form of money to save a man's daughters from being sold into prostitution. He was actually an awesome guy, very unlike our Coca-Cola Santa who gives conditional gifts. Google it!When it comes to old St. Nick, I prefer to talk about the Greek version over Santa any day!
As far as your question about whether we even need Christmas: I don't think we have a choice! It's really here to stay, and it effects everybody. Christmas isn't so much an option as it is how we choose to spend it and share it.
Friday, December 7, 2007
DEAR MACHOO
**Part two of the same letter**
Shouldn't every day be about family, friends and giving and serving God and believing upon Christ? I have recently found out that there are churches out there that completely teach against Christmas which I was not aware of before. Why are the mainstream churches all bending to accept pagan beliefs? Ok I know I am asking a lot of questions here but I don't think any of this pleases God. I believe that the Catholic Church still has some control over mainstream churches. In that protestant churches still celebrate the pagan festivals of the Church of Rome. I truely believe there is only one way to stop this madness. If Christians stood together against Christmas because in my view Christmas is of Anti-Christ. Look at all the idols from Christmas trees to manger scenes. It sickens my stomach and makes me want to puke. Machoo do you think it is possible to bring enough people against Christmas to make a significant differance?
-Deeply Concerned
Dear Concerned,
Christmas trees make me want to puke, too, though it may be because of the pine smell! Come to think of, American Idol makes me want to puke, too, speaking of idols. Sanjaya kinda creeped me out. Though the 'fro-hawk' was quite an innovation, one I tried myself. Stylin!!
Anyhow, I truly admire what you said about doing the things we typically set aside once a year for and making it an everyday practice. I wish more people were like you and understood that. Since there isn't, I suppose many people find it useful to have a yearly reminder.
Believe it or not, many churches are trying to figure out how to keep Christ in this holiday. It's just that different churches and people have different ideas of what is pagan. You spoke of rallying together....some people already have. Check this out.
Shouldn't every day be about family, friends and giving and serving God and believing upon Christ? I have recently found out that there are churches out there that completely teach against Christmas which I was not aware of before. Why are the mainstream churches all bending to accept pagan beliefs? Ok I know I am asking a lot of questions here but I don't think any of this pleases God. I believe that the Catholic Church still has some control over mainstream churches. In that protestant churches still celebrate the pagan festivals of the Church of Rome. I truely believe there is only one way to stop this madness. If Christians stood together against Christmas because in my view Christmas is of Anti-Christ. Look at all the idols from Christmas trees to manger scenes. It sickens my stomach and makes me want to puke. Machoo do you think it is possible to bring enough people against Christmas to make a significant differance?
-Deeply Concerned
Dear Concerned,
Christmas trees make me want to puke, too, though it may be because of the pine smell! Come to think of, American Idol makes me want to puke, too, speaking of idols. Sanjaya kinda creeped me out. Though the 'fro-hawk' was quite an innovation, one I tried myself. Stylin!!
Anyhow, I truly admire what you said about doing the things we typically set aside once a year for and making it an everyday practice. I wish more people were like you and understood that. Since there isn't, I suppose many people find it useful to have a yearly reminder.
Believe it or not, many churches are trying to figure out how to keep Christ in this holiday. It's just that different churches and people have different ideas of what is pagan. You spoke of rallying together....some people already have. Check this out.
DEAR MACHOO
**Part 3 of the same letter***
Also I feel kind of alone because of how I feel about this holiday. It is like people want to shun those like me because they think I am out to destroy God or something. Why do most Christians accept only what their churches say and are afraid to believe other things? How do we know that the churches are teaching the right things and not something completely off the wall with false interpretations of scripture? I think we all need to go get our memories erased and wake up and read the Bible for ourselves and seek truth instead of accepting every idea and tradition that religion teaches us.
- Deeply Concerned
Dear Concerned,
Unless you can speak and read Greek and Hebrew, than I am afraid that you will have to read a translation, or interpretation of scripture like most of us in America (including MACHOO)! Of course you have concordances, lexicons, and all sorts of guides to help you decipher the language behind the translation. Unfortunately, with a book as amazing as the Bible, none of us are free from the struggle to make it say what we want it to. That means we normally focus on one part and ignore another-yuck! We're all guilty of it. Eaten shrimp lately? If so, you may want to see Leviticus. Sinner.
You're right, though, in wanting something pure in your faith, untainted by meaningless religious traditions. You're sincerity in searching meaning in scripture for yourself is also commendable. However, a large populations of Christians also spend hours of personal time searching for God too, and for many of them, their traditions and rituals remind them of why they do what they do. Traditions and holidays, though often misconstrued, have power to remind us of what is truly important to all of us; and behind all the garbage that we pile on is our God who was there all along.
By the way, I had my mind erased yesterday and I feel GREAT!
Also I feel kind of alone because of how I feel about this holiday. It is like people want to shun those like me because they think I am out to destroy God or something. Why do most Christians accept only what their churches say and are afraid to believe other things? How do we know that the churches are teaching the right things and not something completely off the wall with false interpretations of scripture? I think we all need to go get our memories erased and wake up and read the Bible for ourselves and seek truth instead of accepting every idea and tradition that religion teaches us.
- Deeply Concerned
Dear Concerned,
Unless you can speak and read Greek and Hebrew, than I am afraid that you will have to read a translation, or interpretation of scripture like most of us in America (including MACHOO)! Of course you have concordances, lexicons, and all sorts of guides to help you decipher the language behind the translation. Unfortunately, with a book as amazing as the Bible, none of us are free from the struggle to make it say what we want it to. That means we normally focus on one part and ignore another-yuck! We're all guilty of it. Eaten shrimp lately? If so, you may want to see Leviticus. Sinner.
You're right, though, in wanting something pure in your faith, untainted by meaningless religious traditions. You're sincerity in searching meaning in scripture for yourself is also commendable. However, a large populations of Christians also spend hours of personal time searching for God too, and for many of them, their traditions and rituals remind them of why they do what they do. Traditions and holidays, though often misconstrued, have power to remind us of what is truly important to all of us; and behind all the garbage that we pile on is our God who was there all along.
By the way, I had my mind erased yesterday and I feel GREAT!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Dear MACHOO
I have a phobia that I don't share with too many people. I'm not sure about the technical term for it, but all I know is that I really have a fear of Santa Clause! Every year, I'm stuck in my house when I should be out shopping. But I know that he's at the malls and at grocery stores. I've even seen him in banks!!!!! Every time I see him on the television, I can't breathe. I just freeze in place and shut my eyes tight hoping he'll go away. Every time I hear someone say, "Ho-ho-ho", I feel like I have to vomit! MACHOO, what should I do?!
-Freaked out for the holidays
Dear Freaked,
You might not believe me, but you may be more in touch with reality than you think! I think you should fear Santa-we all should. Maybe not in the terror-like fashion that you describe. More-over, caution about Mr. Cringle should be more widely adopted. When you think of it, it should cause some panic. Every year, a "Big Brother for Kids" is pushed in nearly every home, assuring our young ones that they are being watched at all times and will suffer heartbreaking consequences for unruly behavior. Then, in a cruel twist: a poor child may work really hard at obedience, only to get a percentage of his desires while he watches his rich bullies flaunt their amazing new toys during show-and-tell.
The psychology of Santa can really suck, my friend. Though I believe that your fears may having nothing to do with systemic classism as much as something traumatic that occurred in your past. Maybe one of his reindeer really did run over your grandmother (Just a joke, lighten up!).
But if holiday cans of coke are sending you screaming, you may want to see a shrink that doesn't have a beard.
-Freaked out for the holidays
Dear Freaked,
You might not believe me, but you may be more in touch with reality than you think! I think you should fear Santa-we all should. Maybe not in the terror-like fashion that you describe. More-over, caution about Mr. Cringle should be more widely adopted. When you think of it, it should cause some panic. Every year, a "Big Brother for Kids" is pushed in nearly every home, assuring our young ones that they are being watched at all times and will suffer heartbreaking consequences for unruly behavior. Then, in a cruel twist: a poor child may work really hard at obedience, only to get a percentage of his desires while he watches his rich bullies flaunt their amazing new toys during show-and-tell.
The psychology of Santa can really suck, my friend. Though I believe that your fears may having nothing to do with systemic classism as much as something traumatic that occurred in your past. Maybe one of his reindeer really did run over your grandmother (Just a joke, lighten up!).
But if holiday cans of coke are sending you screaming, you may want to see a shrink that doesn't have a beard.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
MACHOO and Christmas Spirit
"I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause......maybe more than that."Face it....our real master is the fat red man himself! Every year we prepare to snap to attention. Almost every business shuts down so we can celebrate it. We lose track of our wastelines as we begin to gorge on 'holiday appropriate' sweets. Our stomachs bulge to the point of bursting and we take extra Advil just to endure the many screams of children echoing through the store. The happiness of the jingling music does not match the faces of the many employees at our local malls. We flag our colors of devotion (red and green) in the form of clothing and housing decorations. The fat man has power, my friends.
But I can't help but love him.
Maybe that's because my father was Santa Clause.
Several years after the event, I was told the earth shattering news of that day in the grocery store. I feel like an idiot now. But I was just a kid-a kid like any other who believed that Santa Clause was eager to bestow many gifts upon me for obediant behavior throughout the year. My mother took me into a grocery store to shop, when she took me to see Santa. He seemed especially happy to see me, as was I to see him. What a glorious time I had discussing my behavioral success with the enlightened fat celebrity! Mom even told me that she was going to grab some groceries and she gave me the option of hanging out with Santa. Sparkly eyed, I gazed at the icon, unaware that just behind the red costume was the man who had given me life. The man who was around much more than once a year. When I learned this news as an adult, I became even more aware of the phenomenon and frenzy that is Christmas.
As a Christian, I understand that Jesus is the reason for the season. But I'm not sure I completely agree anymore. Idealy, yes. In origin, yes. But the reality is that Christmas has become something else. What began as a religion specific holiday became a world wide event celebrated in several different ways. For good or for bad, it is what it is: a man made machine. The true interpretation of Santa Clause to me-or Christmas for that matter- is what was reality.
Behind the frenzy was a man who loved his son, and participated in the holiday for his family (he held odd jobs while in college). The real magic was the man who wore the suit.
Maybe you're like me: somewhere in between "Merry Christmas" and Ba-humbug". Maybe you are beginning to hate consumerism yet still become enchanted with the season. Maybe you long for a place free from Santa's tyranny.
But maybe....just maybe....behind the shiny fake suit is what you've had all along.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Surrounded by kooks!
You ever have one of those days where nearly every person you come into contact with is out of thier mind? You know, the feeling you begin to have when you start to think that maybe you are just predisposed to being stuck with crazy people? Why is it that some people always gloat about thier wonderful encounters with envigorating individuals who changed thier lives forever; while others constantly share stories of being stuck in a waiting room with a man who believes he's Jesus' daughter?Yes, as you can imagine, I had one of those days. It's probably because I'm the weird guy in the waiting room, only I don't realize it most times. Even if that is the case, I need a break from crazy people sometimes. How hard is anymore to just sit down and chat with someone? Why must they be insane? Maybe this is my penalty for living in rural Virginia where most citizens here live in houses sucluded deep in the woods.
Anyhow, I am home away from the funny farm, and now I must recuperate.
Dear MACHOO
Dear Machoo-
I felt bad for you because no one has asked you any questions. You have so much knowledge to bequeath us with I'm sure! I just don't know what to ask you. I don't have a child with a gas issue. I don't even think I have any problems that would probably match that. But I love your head and every blonde hair that sticks out of it! I know I would love it if you wrote about funny things that happen to you and the humorous weird side of your crazy world! I'm sure everyone else feels the same. We love your head MACHOO! We want inside!
Signed,
Beloved
Dear Beloved,
Thank you for your words of encouragement. Though, I'm not sure you know what you are asking. My head, you see, is dangerous. Walking through my head is like Toon Town in "Who Framed Rodger Rabbit". It is indeed a wild place to navigate. I suppose you are right though. I shall continue on....just don't say I didn't warn you!
P.S: I bet you'd make a great wife!
I felt bad for you because no one has asked you any questions. You have so much knowledge to bequeath us with I'm sure! I just don't know what to ask you. I don't have a child with a gas issue. I don't even think I have any problems that would probably match that. But I love your head and every blonde hair that sticks out of it! I know I would love it if you wrote about funny things that happen to you and the humorous weird side of your crazy world! I'm sure everyone else feels the same. We love your head MACHOO! We want inside!
Signed,
Beloved
Dear Beloved,
Thank you for your words of encouragement. Though, I'm not sure you know what you are asking. My head, you see, is dangerous. Walking through my head is like Toon Town in "Who Framed Rodger Rabbit". It is indeed a wild place to navigate. I suppose you are right though. I shall continue on....just don't say I didn't warn you!
P.S: I bet you'd make a great wife!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Dear MACHOO:
I have a kid who farts too much, and to be honest with you, it really grosses me out. Last week when we were at Taco Bell, he broke wind so often that we could hear an old man gagging behind us shortly before he dashed to the bathroom. Yesterday we were at McDonald's, and guess what? My son cut the cheese in such a disgusting way that a few customers complained to management. We were almost asked to leave. Tonight, his butt smoke was so thick in the room that I could taste it over my pizza. He's such a sensitive boy and I hate to hurt his feelings, but something has got to give. What should I do?
-A very disgusted parent
Dear Disgusted,
My, you certainly have an arsenal of nicknames for your son's flatulence! I must say that "butt smoke" is my favorite. Seeing as though you have a sensitive child on your hands, you may want to cut down on such 'eloquent' descriptions. As far as an actual solution to your son's excessive emission of methane, I'm not a doctor. You better check with him/her first, though it does sound like you are quite the lover of fast food. You may want to consider giving your boy a piece of fruit now and then.
And no, a Fruit Roll-Up doesn't count!
-A very disgusted parent
Dear Disgusted,
My, you certainly have an arsenal of nicknames for your son's flatulence! I must say that "butt smoke" is my favorite. Seeing as though you have a sensitive child on your hands, you may want to cut down on such 'eloquent' descriptions. As far as an actual solution to your son's excessive emission of methane, I'm not a doctor. You better check with him/her first, though it does sound like you are quite the lover of fast food. You may want to consider giving your boy a piece of fruit now and then.
And no, a Fruit Roll-Up doesn't count!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Exercise may be better than beatings!
I was at the gym today where my wife works as a fitness instructor.
It was only day #1 this week for exercise, and it is Saturday. My wife, I am sure, is not happy about this.
Now, granted, I have some grace in the matter as I had a colonoscopy this week. Unfortunately I was deficient the last two weeks as well. I suppose I'm running out of excuses. It is a surreal place, being the husband of an incredibly talented personal trainer.
It's no secret that my wife kicks my tail in the gym. She completely dominates me. I am not out of shape, but I'm not fit like a Spartan as my wife is either. The other day, I could hear her on the other side of the gym, galloping on the treadmill for nearly an hour. Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump. I wish I could assure you that she took an easy jog for that length of time-ha! It was more like a steady sprint! For an hour!
Now here I am, poking along and getting winded after a half hour on machines and wanting to go home.
I try desperately hard not to use being busy as an excuse for occasional lapses in my fitness agenda. I try hard mainly because I will receive a beating from my lovely wife. That's right....a beating. All the single folks reading this may shake their heads and think I'm 'whipped', but married men know exactly what I'm talking about. It's not in any book about marriage that I've read, but I tell you that beatings quickly follow "I do". Nobody warned me of this. Now, I try to find ways to avoid these episodes.
I may not always feel like exercising, but I never feel like a beating.
So it was on this day that I sweated, grunted, pumped iron, ran laps, and sweated all the more.
After getting started, I looked at my wife as she was working, and admired her strength and beauty. Beatings or not, she had something to teach me. This is her gift. I asked her to help me-to show me the way. I mean how many people can get personal training for free?
Know what? I feel better. I feel healthier. I will be able to sleep soundly tonight...that is if I'm not knocked out cold first.
(Artwork above by your truly)
It was only day #1 this week for exercise, and it is Saturday. My wife, I am sure, is not happy about this.
Now, granted, I have some grace in the matter as I had a colonoscopy this week. Unfortunately I was deficient the last two weeks as well. I suppose I'm running out of excuses. It is a surreal place, being the husband of an incredibly talented personal trainer.
It's no secret that my wife kicks my tail in the gym. She completely dominates me. I am not out of shape, but I'm not fit like a Spartan as my wife is either. The other day, I could hear her on the other side of the gym, galloping on the treadmill for nearly an hour. Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump. I wish I could assure you that she took an easy jog for that length of time-ha! It was more like a steady sprint! For an hour!
Now here I am, poking along and getting winded after a half hour on machines and wanting to go home.
I try desperately hard not to use being busy as an excuse for occasional lapses in my fitness agenda. I try hard mainly because I will receive a beating from my lovely wife. That's right....a beating. All the single folks reading this may shake their heads and think I'm 'whipped', but married men know exactly what I'm talking about. It's not in any book about marriage that I've read, but I tell you that beatings quickly follow "I do". Nobody warned me of this. Now, I try to find ways to avoid these episodes.
I may not always feel like exercising, but I never feel like a beating.
So it was on this day that I sweated, grunted, pumped iron, ran laps, and sweated all the more.
After getting started, I looked at my wife as she was working, and admired her strength and beauty. Beatings or not, she had something to teach me. This is her gift. I asked her to help me-to show me the way. I mean how many people can get personal training for free?
Know what? I feel better. I feel healthier. I will be able to sleep soundly tonight...that is if I'm not knocked out cold first.
(Artwork above by your truly)
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Let's begin, shall we?
Well, I'm starting a new blog and all. This ought to be interesting. I hope to put cartoons and stuff up. I really hope this to be a fun site.
Though I guess I'm not kicking this off to a good start by showing this photo. Does this scream interesting to you? I think it shows constipation or the very epitome of boredom.
Yes, I'm naturally this blond.
No. I'm not an albino. Thanks for asking.
Keep posted.
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